Chasing dreams

While chasing a dream, you will never be walking down the path of least resistance. Yet somehow we gather the chards of broken confidence, glue them together with a little hope, pray with a lot of faith, and work until things can't not work out. And just sometimes the stars align and we get lucky, to no fault of our own.

I always knew I wanted to work in medicine. I was never squeamish. Rather the opposite, the more I learned about the body and health, the more I thirsted to know more.

When I was 13 years old I injured my knee playing basketball outside, and for a few months we were not sure what was wrong. I began searching on the Internet for signs and symptoms. Then after returning from the doctor with the diagnosis of a torn cruciate ligament and planned surgery, I went home dejected. The bright side was I was given lots of handouts and literature about surgery and recovery. I read those cover to cover hundreds of time and still have them to this day. My medical mind started becoming curious.

That next year I enrolled at Mayfield High School. I saw a spot open for a sports medicine class. The instructor, and eventually one of my mentors, Doc Acklin AT-C invited me to drop the class because it was for juniors and seniors. I somehow convinced him I would not only get an A, I would show I knew more than his upperclassmen. I was called "freshmen" every day of my that class for a year but it seemed a small price to pay to be in an environment learning about medicine.

As a junior I was working as a teacher's aide and ran into the Romanelli family. I became their nanny, although that was just the beginning of the support they gave me. Their father, Dan, was an orthopedic surgeon. I remember watching the kids, and as they were busy with homework or playing with other friends, I would quickly grab the American Journal of Medicine or ABOS he had laying around and read them cover to cover. I would look up the things I didn't understand and take notes on the things I did.

Playing college basketball, I spent far too much time in the athletic training room as many can attest to. From nursing my injuries to trying to pep talks to my friends, it always seemed like a place for healing. I had a bad back injury between my freshmen and sophomore years which ended up with me having three back surgeries, a serious infection, and quite a long summer in and out of the hospital. Throughout that time, I took silent notes about the whole process and the painful side of healing from the patient's perspective. I never want to go back to that summer, but it convinced me even more that medicine was what I wanted to do.

Jump to 2013. I had just graduated from New Mexico State University with a degree in Kinesiology and business. I had been back from serving a LDS mission in Argentina a few months previous.  Knowing there wasn't much left in Las Cruces for me, I found a job at a private orthopedic surgery clinic in Salt Lake City UT. I knew I wanted to go to grad school but couldn't decide between medical school and physician assistant schooling. It was a decision that tugged at my heart every day. My supervising physician, who I hold great respect for, told me every day I should go to medical school and that I'd be a great doctor. I didn't doubt that, but didn't feel at ease with that answer.

After months of deep reflection and prayers, I knew becoming a physician assistant was what I wanted to do. I had met other physician’s assistant who loved their jobs and inspired me- Mahli Michael, Raul Rios, Lindsey Marshall, Anna Peterson, and Karen Gunter. I want more than anything to be a great wife and mother. Call me traditional, but I know mothering a family is one of the most sacred and special callings we can have in this life. I didn't want that to take backseat to a job as a physician. Could it have worked out to do both? Absolutely, people do it all the time. But I never wanted to have to make that choice to take ER call or spend the night with my sick child. Wanting to help coach my kid's basketball team but knowing I had to still work full time to pay off the 10 years of medical school debt would be hard for me. I want to be a wife and mother first, and a health practitioner second.  Plus you can switch specialties and settings, work in a team with a physician, and have shorter time in school. Physician assistant was a win-win for me.

January 2014. I started back to school to take some necessary prerequisites. Two weeks later I got in a head on collision with a driver who ran a stop sign. I tried to keep up with church responsibilities, full time work, and school but was falling apart physically and emotionally.  I couldn't keep up and didn't get the help I needed with the instructor and failed the class and lab- something I had never done in my entire life. I re took it in the summer along with a few others.

Right as summer semester ended I began writing my essays and finishing PA applications but got injured again (almost 6 months to the day). In a freak accident on my mountain bike, I tumbled down the side of a mountain after a bad calculated placement of my rear tire on a narrow single track trail. With just a few stitches and a cracked helmet, I walked away miraculously much better than I should of. But as the days passed, I realized the concussion I sustained was not going to go away as quickly as I had hoped- actually it was getting worse. Memory loss, paralyzing anxiety, and constant headaches became the common side effects that didn't want to go away. Still attending school and balancing all my same responsibilities, I pressed on and submitted my applications for PA school. I turned everything in right on the deadline, hoping for a miracle.

January 2015. After months of waiting, I came to the conclusion that nothing was going to happen this year. I was completely devastated. I had worked so hard, done so much volunteering, taken so many classes, spent so much money on these PA applications. After a heart wrenching breakup with a boyfriend and having the rejection letters arrive in the mail weekly, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and get back to work. Still struggling with lingering concussion side effects, I enrolled in 12 credits of classes and a GRE prep class on the side. Maybe at least making yourself swim in deep water would build strong endurance?

Fast forward to now. I survived that spring semester, barely survived summer, but at least I can live to tell about it. During the summer I worked on perfecting the applications (with help from my savvy dad)  and submitted as soon as the new cycle opened. Although I was still struggling with self-doubt and lingering concussion effects, I had faith it wasn't permanent. I started volunteering as a temple ordinance worker, something that was vital for pulling me out of the hole I had dug for myself. And guess what? Slowly and surely I started hearing back from PA schools.

The first interview I went to Boston and had the trip of a lifetime with Erin my sister and visiting our great aunt Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. Everything with the interview couldn't have gone better and I felt it was where I needed to be. I interviewed with the medical director (who is a high up MD at MGH and Harvard, originally from Mexico) and connected well with him and did some of the interview in Spanish. I had many good confirmations in various ways in the weeks that passed. When I received the email of acceptance, I dropped to the side of my desk at work and prayed; I gave thanks to my Maker. How could something so wonderful happen to me? Why did I deserve such mercy?

To somewhat confirm my feelings on Boston before I accepted (spoiler), I went to interview at University of Maryland. I was taken off guard when as soon as I sat down on the flight to the east coast- I heard the words "you know this isn't where you are supposed to be" flash into my mind. It was still a great trip as I visited a close childhood friend and his wife- Mark and Olivia Guthrie. I was grateful for the opportunity to not only visit dear friends but confirm that I had already received the answer in my heart to where I was to go.

Which brings me to now. The day after the interview (while still in Baltimore), I put down the enrollment deposit and accepted at Massachusetts General Hospital Institute of Health Professions. Since then I've felt a rollercoaster of emotions- fear, feeling of inadequacy, worry about being so far from home, worry if this little New Mexican girl can make it in a big town and hospital in New England. But yet again I was humbled when on my weekly Park City commute I was listening to a podcast and had the distinct impression- "Emily, you are lacking faith". So there, ok God I get it haha. Working on that faith thing…

Until then I'm working with my orthopedic surgery group, enjoying the beauty of Utah (snowboarding and biking), spending time with many amazing friends, enjoying the time living close to Erin, working at the temple, serving in my ward/congregation, reading all the books I have stacked up on the side of my bed, soaking up as many opportunities to learn new talents and skills before my free time disappears. Oh yeah also important- trying to snag a good guy who will be my best friend in this life adventure.

So thank you to those who are mentioned above. And so many who should be mentioned who aren't. There have been countless prayers offered by my family, earthly angel friends and roommates, amazing leaders and mentors I have been so blessed with throughout the way. God never gave up on me although at times I had given up on myself. I don’t think I have ever felt so grateful for my trials and where they have taken me. Although chasing this dream has not been the path of least resistance, it never is. Cheers to Boston 2016 and the new adventures ahead!

Doctorin' since 1993

Angels are for real.

There was this one time I fell off a mountain.

Oops, there were two times I fell off- mountain-s? Plural? Let me explain….

August 1999. When I was 9 years old we took a vacation to Salmon Idaho to my grandparent’s new cabin. Obviously, if the cabin wasn’t fun enough, they bought two new four-wheelers. In the rush to get to use them, my grandpa went to buy some helmets, but they only had smaller sizes- which later came to be a major problem.

After anxiously waiting all time for my turn with Grandpa, I finnnally got on and he let me drive will his assistance. We wound ‘round and ‘round going up the mountain on a dirt trail. “Gosh, this is fun!” Next thing I knew, we were drifting across the dirt straight towards the edge.

For there I felt like time stopped. I remember jumping off mid-flight and landing in some rocks, but that’s about all. Why did we drift like fast and furious, I will never know. It haunts me to this day. I woke up some time after and looked around trying to figure out where I was and what happened. I looked down the ravine a little farther to find my grandpa with his head (no helmet) split open on a rock, unconscious, and the four wheeler wrapped around a tree. I was 9 years old, what to do? I suddenly felt that I was in some sort of survival movie. I was miles from the cabin, in the pit of a ravine. What did I do? Run for help…

So I ran. I climbed out of the canyon and followed that dirt road for what seemed to be forever til I found a cabin. I didn't care that it looked creepy, I frantically knocked on the front door and begged for help. Fortunately an ax murderer didn't come out, but a precious elderly couple who looked anxious to help. Angels. I explained that I was in an accident with my grandpa and I wasn't sure if he was still alive but was bleeding a lot. And I was fine. Wait, I flew down a 20-foot ravine and was fine? Did I take a second to realize that? They stood amazed and called the police.

Long story short, it took a few hours for the life flight and rescuers to come all the way up the mountain, get my grandpa out, and get him in the ambulance. Although I swore I was ok, they didn’t believe it, so I was put in a neck brace and a stretcher and drove in the ambulance to the nearest big hospital. My grandpa cracked his skull and had a major brain injury, but later after many months of recuperation recovered fully and returned to practicing law.

My mother's scrapbook page of the event in her words... (She is also an angel for as much as she has to worry about me)

9-year-old Emily, days after the accident

16 years later….

August 2014. I worked a few days a week in Park City and brought my bike knowing we had a break in the day for meetings I did not need to attend. And so I finished up with patients and got dressed and took off to do one of my favorite summer activities during lunch break- mountain biking. I took a trail I hadn’t been on before at Park City Mountain Resort. The trail was pretty wet, but I felt like any other day, just a bit rainy. I rounded a corner and ran into a technical part, so I slowed down and slowly went over the rocks. Suddenly I felt that my back tire wasn’t under me and it had started slipping down with a chunk of the trail. I tried to get out of my clip-in pedals, but the slipping momentum took my bike….straight over the ravine. I did about 5 somersaults, hit my head and chin, bike flew off, and stopped at a tree about 15 feet down. I looked around and assessed the damage, trying to figure out how I even got there cause it happened so quickly. I’ve biked a hundred times before and no injuries. Didn’t look like I had any broke bones or didn’t hurt anything but my bloody chin? Seriously, am I that lucky? Again? Wait, I had done this before. Nostalgia and deja-vu seemed to hit me like a punch in the gut. 16 years ago couldn’t have seemed more like yesterday. I had been saved again.

Next thing I hear is a lady calling down to me. (Angel).

 “Helllooooo, are you ok?!”

“Umm yes?”

“Do you know where you are and what date it is?” (Her thinking surely with how far I fell I shouldn't be alive or conscious)

“August 14^th, Park City Mountain Resort.”

“Wow, ok I will go get some help.”

Then she found her friends, and they scooped me out of the ravine (more angels). I stuffed my gaping chin with some leaves and a bandana to stop the bleeding, and carefully rode to the next chairlift down. I rode back to the office a bloody and muddy mess.  My faithful doctor, PA and x-ray tech got the gravel out of my legs and chin and left with only 13 stitches and a headache. I retired my cracked helmet and called a friend (another angel) for help. Then over the course of the next week, I had multiple angels watch over and care for me in the recovery process of my second concussion in 6 months (car accident in February). Although I was initially fine, a few days later I hit a period of mental confusion, anxiety, memory loss, and weakness. I have been recovering on “medical bed rest” the past week for recurrent concussion symptoms. Angels have continued to stop by and help me throughout this difficult process. Priesthood blessings, loyal friends, and parents, loved ward members. I had many angels working overtime.

Freak trail slide where I got caught

Climbing back out of the drop off with help

Assessing the damage

Could have been worse but I looked pretty beat up.

"Hey doc, does this need stitches?" as I ride down the chairlift

Good old Doc/Boss numbing me up

Now I'm feeling it

I sit and think about this and get emotional. So weirdly similar. Both happened in the blink of an eye. Both I was magically “cushioned” all the way down the mountain. Both times I left seemingly unharmed. Both times I was wearing and eventually saved by my helmet.

Saul put a helmet on David. Uzziah prepared his armies with helmets in the Old Testament. Ephesians and Thessalonians tells us to take up the helmet of salvation.

One of salvation’s definitions states “preservation or deliverance from harm, ruin, or loss”. I was saved. But my life has also been saved my seen and unseen angels in these two parallel instances. I will never understand why things like this happen, I will just pray and try to realize and continually remember how sacred life is and to value every moment. Not sure what lesson I am to learn from this, but I have no doubt that I am alive today because of certain angels in my life. I encourage you, if you ever have wondered if there are angels in this life- to read or listen to this talk "Ministry of Angels" by Jeffrey R Holland. It was already one of my favorites, but now it just means so much more to me. He states:

"My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face.... Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal."  



So whenever you feel alone, scared, in danger- look for His angels. Seen or unseen. Heavenly or earthy. They will come now or they might take some time, but they will come. I know I have seen them 'round about me, and if I have learned anything from this experience is that they are real and we are never, ever, alone. Hopefully one day I will meet my angels and thank them for working overtime in the mountains for me......... :) 












PS I wrote this blog in my very minimal allotted computer time with the appropriate head gear (just if you are wondering if I am breaking my bed rest no computer, tv, reading rules)

The stars aligned and I went to Chile...

The stars aligned and I went to Chile

Well, just got back from one of the most memorable trips I’ve ever take. One of the shortest also: 48 hours of travel and 72 hours of stay. Totally worth it. So let me tell you a little about why I would fly halfway across the world for so little time...

Families can be together forever, that’s why. Let’s jump back to fall of 2011. While serving on my mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Mendoza Argentina my companion (Hermana) Cynthia Dana Ferreya and I were headed to our apartment around 9pm and were walking through “Centro” San Rafael, a small town in the Mendoza province. I saw this cute family window shopping and decided to stop and introduce myself.

“Hola soy una misionera de La Iglesia de Jesucristo De Los Santos de los Últimos Dias” I said,

“Hi how are you” they responded enthusiastically in English.

“Oh hi! You speak English! That’s awesome. How about we share with you an important lesson in English?”

This is the "sacred square", or corner we first ran into Familia Navarro.

So I continued to talk to them, in English, and asked them if we could come over later to their house and teach them about how families could be together forever (and help them refresh their English at the same time). They agreed and we stopped by the following day. No success. We went by later that night. No one. We felt so strongly about this beautiful family so we stopped by multiple times during the day for a few days til we found Matias, their older son washing the car outside. Later we went in and met the incredible Familia Navarro: Gustavo and Virginia (who had lived in the states for a few years), son Matias (18 yrs old), Luna (7 yrs old), and Morena (4 years old). I had never seen such a faithful and God loving family before. A few weeks later they were baptized.

October 29, 2011, San Rafael Mendoza

But that’s not where it ends. Baptism is just the beginning of our road to follow Christ. They had some very difficult personal, financial and family trials. Very hard. Things in San Rafael weren’t going well. Gustavo was laid off and couldn’t find any work in Argentina’s struggling economy. They had to sell everything they owned and move to Chile in hope for better opportunities. They found the church there again in Valpariso and began to rekindle that goal of going to the temple and being sealed as a family forever.

When we get married civilly (which is still very important) they say “to death do us part”. Why part at death? Why have families and relationships if they are going to end. I don’t believe God wants it to be that way. That is why, in the temple, we can be sealed to our families for time and all eternity. It’s a holy ordinance that we perform in God’s holy temples, temples like the ones in the Old and New Testament.

So via Skype and other messaging apps the Navarros told me they had a temple date. Nothing makes me more happy than hearing that! And wow it wasn't without much prayer and fasting and worrying for them. It means this precious family was living the gospel and wanted to receive God’s blessings. There have been three other families we had an opportunity to teach that have been sealed in the temple but I had not been able to go to. I wouldn’t miss this one. I called Cynthia and told her that we had to go.

So in the middle of full time work, full time summer school, church callings and volunteer work, I put it all aside and was able to go. Financially it was a miracle I made it, I finished my homework and tests before I left (mostly), and my boss said it was fine and supported my decision to go. What? Did that just happen? I am one super lucky girl.

I flew into Santiago (after stopping in LA, Peru) and landed at 5am. Exhausted and in a foreign airport I bear-hugged by lugged and slept with one eye open until Cynthia got there. One awesome sister from the Church came to pick us up and we took a bus, subway, and walked about 30 blocks until we made it to the Santiago Chile Temple (all with dragging our luggage of course, felt like the mission). Seeing them and running and hugging them was like no time had passed. Their ward members were there and we all cried tears of joy. The sealing ceremony was priceless. Morena (the youngest, now 6) was crying because she felt so happy and couldn’t explain it. Made me remember how young children have such a special spirit. We all piled in the car afterwards and headed to Valparaiso (about 2 hours away). 

We stayed in their house and had a grand time. It’s amazing to remember how blessed we are in the states and we have so much. They showed us around the awesome port town, and we went to church on Sunday. There are sometimes when you meet people in your life that you know you've know before sometime in Heaven; the Navarros and Cynthia Ferreya are some of those for me. They have gone through some of the hardest trials I have ever seen and been a huge example to me. 

So the trip was priceless. (I made it home alive which included 3 bus rides through Chile and airport transfers by myself which is also a small miracle). The world can give us such temporary happiness but God gives us real lasting joy. Joy is the biggest understatement of what I feel right now. I cannot be more grateful for the experience to serve a mission and the things I learned and people I met there. I cannot be more grateful for the plan Heavenly Father has made for us to live in families and friend forever if we chose to. Life is hard and bad things happen sometimes, but very often the Lord is just waiting around the corner to give us a miracle or something incredible if we have faith and patience. And sometimes those miracles are eternal, just like this. 

Ode to Marriage

I seem to go through this ever rotating cycle of how I feel about love and marriage in general. It goes a little like this: "wow that guy's cute", getting to know them, being enamored by someone, dating them, loving them, breaking up with them, hating guys for a while, wanting to be a rich single doctor forever. Perhaps adopt kids. Done. End of story. Am I the only one who does this? These cycles can last from a few hours to a few months. If I don't snap out of it quickly, it is easy to get bitter. If you don't remind yourself daily that getting married and having joy in a family is the reason we came here to earth, it's easier than not to get swept up in the world's perspective of "YOLO" or "get rich and die famous". Most say it is way outdated to have a traditional family and want a eternal marriage with someone. Luckily I know better, and so does Sister Julie Beck.....

Shorter version of an amazing talk on the family-----Teaching the Doctrine of the Family (March 2011 Ensign)
Full version of that same amazing talk on the family--- Teaching the Doctrine of the Family (CES Broadcast)

So while being swept up is the confusion of the emotions of heartbreak and the world's noise coming in at every corner, I made this list. Got a new tablet, might as well use it to journal and write random lists like this to boost by faith. So, this is what I want. This is what I have to look forward too and what I will work for.

Ok yeah I cheated, I only wrote down 75. I am just gonna be anxiously awaiting to see what marriage is all about and write the extra 25 things down after I get the experience. I'm sure it is an optimistic view of how things will be but at least I can work for it right?

Oh and while I am on lovely and optimistic, here is one of my favorite songs lately.......

It's it lovely?

Or how about this message about families and fatherhood?

Or if you don't believe Julie Beck or John Legend or the Mormon Message, try CNN:

"A man's top 5 reasons to grow up and get married "

So after watching my amazing co-worker and her husband through their first year of marriage and pregnancy and how happy she seems- it is worth it. After watching cute 80 year old couples hold hands walking down the neighborhood, it's worth it. After watching couples have kids and go through hard times and still kiss each other goodbye and say "I love you", it's worth it. I want that. Although it is uncommon, not easy nor convenient, I still believe in the doctrine of the family. Like Sister Beck warns..

"This generation will be called upon to defend the doctrine of the family as never before. If they don’t know the doctrine, they can’t defend it." 

So this is my resolution: to keep fighting for the hope of a family no matter what the world says, and no matter how skewed I seem to get. In the end, I know it will be hard but infinitely worth it. 

That thing the world calls "TIME"

Time. It passes quicker than you want when you are having fun. It passes quicker than you want when you hear your alarm in the morning. It passes quicker than you would like in the summer. It passes slower than you would like in the winter. It passes slower than you want when you are in pain or in the midst of a hard spot. It passes slower when you are waiting for something important, or even someone important.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks stated “In all the important decisions in our lives, what is most important is to do the right thing. Second, and only slightly behind the first, is to do the right thing at the right time. People who do the right thing at the wrong time can be frustrated and ineffective. They can even be confused about whether they made the right choice when what was wrong was not their choice but their timing.”

Woah Elder Oaks, you hit a nail right on Emily Thatcher’s head.

When I was 17, I thought I had my life totally figured out. I was going to play basketball for four years on a scholarship, get a good degree, find my future husband and start a family shortly thereafter. But I think Heavenly Father thought that sounded nice, but I needed to lead me to other priceless experiences. Three back surgeries, two school transfers, a handful of boyfriends, an 18 month foreign mission, and a few life curve balls later, I am happily standing here in Salt Lake but with that cartoon character confused face.Why am I writing this? Because I have come to a grand realization that until I write it down, I won’t be able to convince myself of it and live it.

I have come to believe that the first principle of the Gospel is faith for some good reason. “Indeed, we cannot have true faith in the Lord without also having complete trust in the Lord's will and in the Lord's timing” said Elder Oaks.  Most times either we do things too late, too soon, or too long. Applying to graduate school before we have the needed experience or background= too soon. Maybe living at home and mooching off our parents= too long. Making yourself available to someone after months of contemplation= too late.

So here’s my pledge. I know I have gotten the answer to obtain higher education so if that be medical school or physician assistant school, I accept either happily. Even though maybe some of my classmates and friends may be whizzing by me and getting higher degrees before I even apply, so be it. Does one or two years really make a difference in the long run? Although it’s frustrating as heck and our pride tells us others are doing more things faster than we are, I think the Lord knows best and we need to trust Him. I need these years to develop and become a better person. I need these years to make lasting friendships. I need these years to prepare to be a better mom. I need these years to have fun and love life. Will I stop progressing and just wait around for good things to happen? Absolutely not. But I will grab every opportunity I have and make it known than when it is my time, I’ll be ready.

So medical school applications done this year- probably not. Sometimes hard things are thrown your way and you have to slow down a bit. Maybe next year? I most definitely plan on it. Time is a worldly concept; the Lord really cares about who we become and not how old we were when we did it. So even though I have this “internal basketball shot clock counting down 5-4-3-2-1, Emily you should be in medical school by now and be making more money and have 2 kids!”, I need to have a little more faith that Heavenly Father has a better plan than the one I’ve imagined.

Happiness comes from accepting the Lord’s will in our lives. We will be eternally frustrated if we want things to go our way. So let’s have a little more faith, a little more patience, and a little more love. Or maybe at least I need to. 

"Do not rely on planning every event of your life—even every important event. Stand ready to accept the Lord's planning and the agency of others in matters that inevitably affect you. Plan, of course, but fix your planning on personal commitments that will carry you through no matter what happens. Anchor your life to eternal principles, and act upon those principles whatever the circumstances and whatever the actions of others. Then you can await the Lord's timing and be sure of the outcome in eternity." (Quotes taken from 'Timing by Elder Oaks, http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=1042) 

This is Emily's internal shot clock that tells her there is too much to do and too little time. Who even made clocks, seriously? Enjoy the dang game of life. 










This is 17 year old Emily- moderately cocky basketball player Emily who thought she could rule the world. 

And even more importantly, this is 24 year old Emily- a little less cocky, a little more chubby, a little more faithful, a lot more happy. 

Birthday reflections... I was here.

I think since about the age of twelve I have been a Destiny's Child/ Beyonce fan. Not quite sure why. She probably doesn't even write her own songs nor performs them at times, but I like the strong woman she exemplifies. Don't worry, she's definitely not my hero though. She has many silly songs that mean nothing, but this one truly describes the feeling I hope I have some day:

I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I've done everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here

I want to say I lived each day, until I died
And know that I meant something in, somebody's life
The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference, and this world will see

I turn 24 today. I think I've reflected more on this birthday than any of the rest. I am looking back on what I've done in these past 23 years Heavenly Father has given me and looking forward and setting goals for the next decades of life. 

I have lived in five states, two foreign countries, and visited ten foreign countries. I am a sister for my three beautiful younger siblings. I have won state championships. I have broken four bones, had seven surgeries, and lived through many a concussion and major accident. I have learned to ride a motorcycle, drive stick shift, and four wheel vehicles better than most boys. I have learned from my father to love cars and be proficient in pistol and rifle shooting. I have played basketball at a collegiate level on full scholarship. I have made teammates and friends from countries and states whom I never will forget. . I have served a full time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Mendoza Argentina. I have learned and speak fluent Spanish. I have graduated college with a Bachelors degree in Kinesiology and Business Administration. I have watched countless hours of surgery and worked thousands of hours with medical patients. 

What I still have left to do:

I want to be married to my best friend and have a beautiful family. I want to attend medical or physician assistant school and help others who are sick. I want to balance my career with service in the church. I want to learn to play the piano and learn to maintain my car. I want to serve and find more people who need a helping hand. I want to teach my children to love The Lord, love learning, and to work hard. I want to serve a mission with my husband. I want to be financially secure. I want to quickly return to Argentina and then visit Central American and Africa. I want to have roommate and teammate reunions for life. I want to attend the temple weekly for the rest of my life, and if called- work in the temple. I want to do geneology every week and inspire my family to do so. I want my friends to learn of the gospel of Jesus Christ and find how much God loves them. I want to be my husband's biggest fan and strongest supporter. I want to retire and travel around supporting my grandchildren. I want to live until I'm 100!

I want to be able to say "I WAS HERE"

Several Ability and Divine Positioning

The institute of religion is a sacred place for me. It was seated in the Weber State institute with Brother Mueller about five years ago when I think I first saw the light and understood I was loved. That love and the spirit of the gospel hit me and planted itself deep in my heart during those hard years. And today going to the U of Utah institute with Brother Marshell, I would expect nothing less.

Today we went over Matthew 25. While reading the parables of the talents I felt a certain verse jumped out at the page, screamed “Emily”, cut deep into my heart, and at the same time felt like the clouds had opened and a precious light had shown down.  Gotta love how personal revelation works.

"14 For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods.

 15 And unto one he ^agave five ^btalents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey." 

Supposedly these people mentioned were travelers from a far country. Supposedly we were created, taught, and grew in the pre-mortal life. So does that make the far country become Earth and that we are the travelers?  No doubt in my mind that that is so. Now what did “several ability” mean?  I believe that before this world we learned how to do good, to bless the lives of others,  to have stewardship placed in our hands, the talents to build the Kingdom of God.  But perhaps Elder Maxwell said it best:

“Being subject to law, and having their agency, all the spirits of men, while yet in the Eternal Presence, developed aptitudes, talents, capacities, and abilities of every sort, kind, and degree.  During the long expanse of life which then was, an infinite variety of talents and abilities came into being..and so it went through all the hosts of heaven, each individual developing such talents and abilities as his soul desired.”  (Elder Bruce R. McConkie, The Mortal Messiah, 1:23)

So our loving Heavenly Father, or God for some, helped us develop those talents and then trusted us enough to send us down and left us develop them. Thus the parable (at least to me) means that before this life we were so blessed with gifts and abilities, how we use them here on Earth is how the people in the parable opted to use them and return them back to Him.

So the word that Brother Marshall used tonight was something I always knew was true deep down but had never coined it a phrase. Divine positioning.   That idea that there is no such thing as coincidence but rather He directs and plays a divine part in everything that happens.  That idea that I was blessed with several abilities and I made a promise to Him that I would use them well to help others. So then in return He divinely positions me to be able to receive help, meet critical people, and be able to give my little two cents to help others when we have gone through similar circumstances. Another great quote on the topic:

“Suffice it to say that we were sent here. We came willingly: the requirement of our heavenly Father and our anxiety to take bodies brought us here… Then, if it be true that we entered into a covenant with the powers celestial, before we left our former homes, that we would come here and obey the voice of the Lord, through whomsoever he might speak, these powers are witnesses of the covenant into which we entered; and it is not impossible that we signed the articles thereof with our own hands—which articles may be retained in the archives above, to be presented to us when we rise from the dead, and be judged out of our own mouths, according to that which is written in the books”- Journal of Discourses volume 7 page 314

I’m sure I knew full well what I was signing up for in this life before I came here (and probably more perfect than I even know my own life right now) . I saw the trials I would face but knew was equipped to handle them. What faith we all had to know what was coming and still accept to come to earth (Because we knew it was the only way to progress, duh!) If I knew exactly the trials I would have to pass through on my mission would I have done it all over again knowing full well? Maybe with a sour face I would have signed the dotted line. Most things we actually walk into a little bit blind, which works out to our advantage since we don’t know how hard they will be. It boggles my mind to know we had so much preparation, but all seemly forgotten once we arrived at the hospital screaming and crying. It’s there somewhere I am sure. I like to think that we didn't come to this earth to gain a testimony, but to remember the testimony we always had.  Back to divine positioning…. (basically what we do with all this preparation. If we decide to use it or not)

Three things I learned from the phrase “several ability” and divine positioning. Emilyology is that both phrases go hand in hand. But don’t worry it’s not official doctrine….

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1. Why do trials happen the way they do? 

“Sometimes the Lord hastens his work in our spiritual development by the compression of experiences. Sometimes the best of people have the worst experiences because they are most ready to learn” (Neal A Maxwell). 

Now I am definitely no saint. I do know this though: some people have that innate faith and strength from some superhuman source (or pre-mortal learning course aka several ability) and they pass through really hard trials like champs. Most times these people seem to find others or be around others passing through the same thing. Coincidence? Umm, nope! God uses our ability and testimony and divinely places us around people who need our help. Or we could use our trials and say “why is this happening to me..wa wa wa…?”. Then God probably steers anyone who needs help very far away from us so we don't drag them down. But let’s just hope that never happens and stick with the first example……

2.       Why are we born into the circumstances we are?

“But if the smallest things we can conceive of are declared to be under the divine direction, need we, or can we, be more plainly taught that the greatest things of life, such as the manner of our coming into the world, our parents, the time, and other circumstances of our birth and condition, are all according to the eternal purposes, direction, and appointment of divine Providence [positioning]?” (Ensign Dec 1974 Spencer W Kimball).  

So some people are born to be the “chainbreakers”, pioneers, faithful future generations of already righteous parent, or whatever our calling may be as daughter, mother, cousin, neighbor. No matter what, we already were born (divinely positioned) with “several ablilties” to be able to shine light into whatever situation we were blessed to be in.

3.       Why do we meet and are around the people we are?

No quote for this one. Have you ever thought about your young women’s president, your primary teacher, your influential English teacher, your close teammates, your seminary teacher, your co-workers, your companions, all the people you meet in your mission, your siblings, parents, your ward members, roommates,  your bishop?  God handpicked (divinely placed) those people to positively influence us.  I love that feeling that you knew someone before this life but really have only known them for a few weeks. Kinda like “Hey buddy, I promised I would meet up with you and now its finally time”. Love that! God sends us angels all throughout our lives but lots of times it is our stewardship to be angels for other people.

So the point of this looonnngg blog/ personal essay was one of two things: 1) Realize and remember how many “several abilities”/talents I have been blessed (and pre-mortally trained with) and try to remember/find them rest throughout my life.  2) Honor my loving Heavenly Father and recognize His hand in all things and seek his guidance to be divinely placed by someone who needs my help. So you get how cool this parable now is?! Miracles/ tender mercies all over the place! I think this was the only way the man in the parable with five talents traded some in and gained many more. Because I have been given much I too must give.  Like the end of that sacred verse 15 says I will “….straightway [take my] journey”. I promised I would over 23 years ago and I can't wait for that moment I can come home faithful to my promise to return all those talents He gave once me. 

(PS whoever reads this, I challenge you to re-read this parable in Matthew 25 and gain your own personal revelation)